finally an introduction?

I realize I've been writing all this time without a stable footing. An anchor. An introduction. A place where people from now can put me and where I, later, can understand myself better. My name is Moira Lynn and I'm 22 years old. My friends think my mom was being hip and original but a quick google search will show a surprisingly number of people with that name.

But I digress...

I work as a librarian assistant at the moment, with hopes of getting into grad school for it. I say hopes because I have little hope of actually getting in. Maybe I'm self conscious, maybe not. I'll just keep my fingers crossed. Hopefully next month will be a good month. I have a boyfriend who (pretty much) supports me in my weight loss goals (although I know he wouldn't if he knew the extent of my goals or steps to get there.). But I think he's only ok with it because he doesn't understand me or my circumstances as well as he thinks.

I think I wrote in my first post that I've always had issues with food. It was never because I was obsessed with the way I look (although that's becoming the case now) or because I really felt that I wanted to see bones everywhere (I seem to be edging up to that). I'm a diabetic and it forces you to have issues with food. Carb counting and calorie counting has been my life for over a decade but I have never been really thin. In high school I was heavy but I didn't try to lose weight. In college it changed a little. However, I really can't say why. I feel like I lived in a fog for most of my existence. Maybe it was because people made comments about how I look like I lost weight or the over sized state of my clothes. Maybe it was because the on campus food was disgusting or because I saw friends gain 15-20 lbs from eating out all the time.

Whatever it was, this is me now. I know it could be so much easier for me. Diabetics can manipulate the amount of insulin they take so that their blood sugar remains high. When that happens, they can lose a TON of weight. But it comes at a cost. Blindness, organ failures, and such. I didn't want to risk that. So this is what I do.

So it's a little complicated but I think things are about the same for me as the rest of you guys. Maybe.

Perhaps I'm a little delusional.