my bad

I ate like a fat slob this weekend. Chicken pita wraps, fries, Thai salads, cakes. Ridiculous, much? It wasn't intentional. I felt a little more nervous not eating in front of my friends than I thought. Actually, that isn't even an excuse. I ate like a pig when I came home as well. My mom cooked a feast for my friend and I for when we came back from out beach trip (the beach was windy and cold. Miserable.). I had a load of rice. And hot dogs. And potatoes. And chicken. But hot dogs? Seriously? I haven't eaten hot dogs in years. I can't say what possessed me to eat them.

But what's the use in being depressed about it. I just won't eat tomorrow. As much, anyway. I'm going to keep it until 500. That's my goal.

I'm going to make it to the 130s no matter what.

Now excuse me while I go purge.

143

Somehow I made it to 143 this morning. I woke up early because nature called and later when I stepped on the scale, there came the glorious number.

I can't wait until I break into the 130s. It seems very possible now.

Also, I'll be visiting friends this weekend but this new weight on the scale has inspired me to eat as little as possible.

Sorry for the short post. I'm going back to bed.

i'm working hard to be perky

The liquid diet... it totally didn't last. I really didn't think it would since this was a horrible week to start but I tried to try anyway. However, I'm happy to say that I've been eating pretty well despite breaking my fast on the first day. The way I see it, March 1st is the better start to start. New month, nothing to do~ I think it'll work out a lot better. I didn't make any promises and plans with my friends or coworkers for next week either. Good deal.

This weekend, I'm supposed to be visiting a friend of mine at the beach. The weather's pretty bad right now for the beach but we're celebrating her recent engagement. I don't know how I feel about it. I have the strangest feeling that her boyfriend asked her so suddenly because his worker's visa is going to expire. I'd tell her but she already knows. It doesn't matter. All I have to worry about is the amount of food that they're going to want to eat. From what I understand, they picked a Vietnamese place for Saturday, and something random for lunch on Sunday. I know that Ice cream and movies will be involved, as well as alcohol if she decides she's in the mood for the bar.

Which she might be. She's a wine type of person so maybe not. If I'm lucky. I think I can get out of the popcorn and maybe the ice cream. I'll just have to order something that doesn't involved hundreds of carbs for my meals.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I tried out P90X. It really was a good workout. I don't really do a lot of strength exercises so I think this will be good for toning. I burned 400+ calories on the elliptical and with the 1.2 hours of P90X, I think yesterday was a good day.

Let's hope today is the same.

i'm so sleepy right now

I had to put my life on hold this weekend for S. His uncle died and he was pretty broken up about it. I've never heard him cry so hard before so I made the decision to drop the plans that I had with friends for the weekend to be there for him. It was a fun weekend. I made sure to plan things that would keep his mind off of his loss. S told me that he was happy I came. I think that makes this weekend a success.

Food-wise, I could have done worse. We had Japanese on Saturday (Rice, grilled chicken, and mixed veggies) and shared a small bag of popcorn while we watched a movie. It wasn't bad at all. Especially seeing as I only had 100 calories worth of milk and cereal before I came over. Today I told S that I was going to get breakfast on the way back home but I didn't end up doing that since it felt like a hassle. So I ate more cereal when I got back home since I didn't feel like cooking anything.

Apparently, cereal is my life. Full of vitamins and and so easy to prepare.

Also, I cut my hair. It's kind of a long bob with a bit of layering going on here and there. According to my hairdresser, the state of my hair was horrendous and I needed to do some major pruning in order to get it back into shape. I really don't mind it. I was actually planning on getting it cut shorter anyway. This just motivates me to be consistent with my vitamin regiment so that my hair can grow stronger. I've gotten comments on how it matches my new "skinny look". I'm 146 pounds now. I wouldn't say that I've achieved a skinny look.

I wanted to start the liquid fast tomorrow but then I remembered that I promised one of my coworkers that I'd eat lunch with her on Tueday. I have to at least eat something small. The place that she picked definitely will not have a healthy soup. So the plan is to do a liquid fasting tomorrow, only eat lunch on Tuesday, and then continue on with the liquid fast on Wednesday. I think that will work.

i have no excuses

My days have been fairly normal. I believe that it's the main reason that my posting has slowed down a bit. One good thing that comes out of this fairly normal existence is that I've been working out regularly. I think it's going to end up being a regular thing 3-4 times a week. Eating wise, I've been inconsistent. Some days are great while others are catastrophes. Who knows. It might be a good thing in that it might confuse my metabolism a bit when I eat barely anything one day and then eat like a wild boar the next. In my mind, I want to keep things low but I can't seem to keep things that way in reality. For example, today was going well until I found my mom's stash of ice cream.

I can't even blame this solely on my family. I know that I'd find some way to gorge on food even if I lived alone. We don't eat together so there's usually a shortage of food in my house (which causes them to eat out fairly often). I have no excuses.

However, religious people seem to have plenty of excuses not to eat. Lent began yesterday (I gave up candy. Fairly simple. It'll keep me from eating candy at least. I'd fail if I had done something vague like "food"). Today I was talking to a coworker of mine about it and she claimed that she refused to celebrate Lent because she didn't practice "religious ceremonies" or rituals. Or something. I can't say that I understood everything that she was going on about. But the gist of this is that she fasts. Religious fasts. She claimed to have done a liquid fast for 40 days (in the name of the Lord, apparently) and she said that it made her a more disciplined person. In her own words, "I can tell when an individual is fasting at my church. You can tell that they're disciplined. I know a man that fasted for a year. He's really thin. It's as if his body transformed and doesn't need as much as most of us. My pastor's wife is thin and willowy so I can tell that she fasts all the time. She's very disciplined."

So if I claimed that I was fasting for religious purposes, people won't wonder about my weight loss or my lack of food consumption? I guess they're exempt or something.

The 40 day liquid fast does sound interesting though.

V-day was great

Is it strange that I went to see my doctor today and came out feeling neglected? I went into the clinic with a nervousness that I couldn't explain, or could if I wanted to, but I came out feeling like I've been clusterfucked. I lost weight and she didn't make any comments about it (I actually lost more than I thought!). My blood pressure was much lower than my last visit and she said nothing. Even my blood sugar was high (something that I was really depressed about) and all she did was scold me for a microsecond and then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to put me on a new regiment. Essentially giving me more control than I needed.

I don't know. I kind of expected her to ask me questions. Wonder about me. Worry about me. Is that too much to ask?

It doesn't matter.

V-day was great. I spent most of the weekend sick but it snowed, I ate great food, I got to see S~ I ate less than I planned. I spent most of the weekend laying down and sleeping but I ate less than I planned. It was great.

But seriously, why didn't she care more? Maybe I'll change doctors. This is bothering me. More than I thought it would.

I ended up calling in sick from work because I felt god awful this morning. It was mostly a sore throat but I felt ill. That's a problem because I tend to eat uncontrollably when I'm sick. This morning I had half a egg and cheese biscuit with a few hash browns. I couldn't tell you how many cups of juice I drank today, although it was v8 splash light. It's pretty low in calories for juice. My father also had the nerve to order Papa John's pizza. So my total is no where near 700 today. I'm thinking that it's closer to 1200.

At least I don't feel sick right now? All of the vitamin C must have actually worked. I'm glad to say that it looks as though I'll be able to make it for a weekend with S. It's been about a month since we've seen each other. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I'll admit that I didn't work hard to visit him, which I should have since his car has been out of commission for the past month (hence him not visiting me).

Although, it's supposed to snow all this weekend. I might get stuck at his place but I can't care right now. After all, if it's not one thing, it's another. I think this over when I'm 100% better.